shoved it in my back pocket....and i keep digging.

My head aches, slightly but constantly.

I’ll hold out this time for love.

I know that’s not true.

I don’t even half mean it.

Because I don’t even half believe in love.

I don’t half believe in anything.

Everyone seems to have such a full life.

I seem to have…not much going on.

I’d like to shut myself in my house and stay there.

But that’s how I got into this mess in the first place…

Being secluded for years drove me to the point of yearning for constant amusement.

Now, I am not amused.

Not in the slightest.

I feel like I’m searching, searching…I keep digging.

I don’t know what I’m looking for or hoping to feel, but I bet it’s great.

I’m sure it is.

That’s why I keep looking for it.

I know I’ll never find it in this state.

I need to…………………………………….fucking relax.