I could write about anything.
This person I've become never goes backwards.
Before you sit and judge me
Remember to piss off.

I thought about it for a very long time yesterday.
Searched my memory for memories.
Then remembered her.
That crass, fearless, (gutless, mindless at times) girl.

You know, I've changed.
Some days I think for the better.
Other days the weakness of being a creature with a big heart scares me.
Not really weakness...vulnerablity, maybe.

I study my role model.
The sweetest soul I've ever met.
We are entangled forever to each other.
No matter the circumstances, he holds fast to his to that sweetness.
He's not weak. Or vulnerable.
The biggest heart I probably underestimate.

So I try to figure out how to merge those two parts of myself.
I have to, because I am quite unsatisfied with myself these days.
I have lost my...I'm not sure what the word for it is.
I just need to figure out how to remain this sweeter, more sincere person...
And get back that feeling I lost.
My...confidence, maybe?
I don't really care for that word.


I remember my plan...to never go backwards.
Now I'm trying to rid myself of a few things.
If I never learned a lesson, I would be ashamed...
But I did, so I'm not.
I don't care what anyone says, and I will write what I want to write.
Say what I please.
And know my good judgement will filter my dirty mouth...but not too much.

Sober.
Not somber.
We live a happy life I never knew existed.
I didn't know two people could just exist...not fight.
Laugh.have fun.
Sleep.

To have my dreams restored...
I think I need to evaporate some thoughts.burdens.grudges.
Heavy souls sink to hell...if hell existed.
This is hell, earth. Millions of damned souls wandering a planet far from other life.
What I have I done to end up here?

But it can't be so bad...when I think of all the people I know.
It's not so bad.