today is not a good day.
today i walked to work.
sweating and sobbing i came to the realization that i am a loser.
i always have been.
i'm not sure what determines such things in my mind
but the no car thing helps.
all the fucking pot.
the booze.
failure to function like a 'normal' human can.
failure to ignore the darkness.
success in letting life beat me down.
today is not a good day.
it's the kind of day when i have trouble counting my blessings.
thankful as i am for the love of my life, my best friend, my everything.
i can't help but let bitter tears slide down my cheek.
i can't help the resentment i feel towards others
and the disappointment i feel in myself...
day
after
day.
they say 'but you're so this' or 'you're so that'
but what i am...
only i know.
and i disappoint myself daily.
weak.
tired.
this mind gets me no where.
lacking ambition
and common sense
to just be happy.
just fucking be happy.
'she should be happy'
be happy.
what the fuck is happy.
today is not a good day.